Adam

What She Desires Most

She notices the people sitting in a small sports bar across the street.  They’re cheering and chatting.  They look so alive.  She wants to cross the street and join these people just to connect with them – to be a part of something.  But a subtle voice that comes from within – that whispers from the open wounds in her heart – holds her back from doing so.  So she keeps walking.  Alone.

She walks to the end of the city center where she sees a dirt path that leads up a grassy hill.  The hill, she knows, overlooks a spiritual sanctuary.  But it isn’t the sanctuary she wants to visit tonight – not yet anyway.  It’s a warm, breezy Saturday night and she wants to find a place outdoors with sufficient light so she can sit and read the novel she’s grasping in her right hand.

But reading isn’t what she really wants.  Not deep down.  What she really wants is for someone – anyone at all – to tap her on the shoulder and invite her into their world.  To ask her questions and tell her stories.  To be interested.  To laugh with her.  To want her to be a part of their life.

But it isn’t even this connection with someone new that she wants most.  At least not at the deepest level.  At the deepest level, in the core of her soul, even fleeting connections with others seem to interfere with what she desires most.  Which is to know that she’s truly loved.  That she’s not alone in this world.  And that whatever she was put here to do, in time, will be done and shared with others who care.

Unsustainable

This young woman left a substantial segment of her life behind to be in this small city tonight.  A few months ago, she was engaged to a strapping young businessman, managing a fast-growing start-up company, working long, hard days and enjoying the fruits of her labor together with a deepening community of friendships in Manhattan.

In a period of just a few months, her fiancé and her split and decided that it was easiest to shutdown the company and divide the monetary remains rather than attempt co-ownership.  As they began the process of shutting down the company, she learned that most of the seemingly deep friendships she had made in Manhattan were tied directly to her old business affairs or her business-socialite of an ex-fiancé.

While this young woman didn’t consciously expect such a rapid, tragic series of events, it also wasn’t totally unexpected.  Subconsciously she knew that she had created a life for herself that was unsustainable.  It was a life revolving around her social status in which all of her relationships brought with them a mounting and revolving set of expectations.  This life left no time for spiritual growth or true love.

Yet, this young woman is drawn to spirituality and love.  She has been drawn to both all her life.  And the only thing that steered her off course into this unsustainable lifestyle was the imprudent belief that if she did certain things and acted in certain ways she would be worthy in the eyes of others.  That her social status would procure love from these people.  And that she would never be alone.

She realizes, now, how wrong she was.

The Sanctuary

The young woman walks up a steep paved road on the outskirts of the city center.  She feels the burn in her quads as she marches higher and higher.  The road is, at first, filled with quaint boutique shops and young couples and friends, but as it advances uphill they give way to small cottage homes and kids playing ball in the street.  She keeps marching higher and higher until she reaches a clearing where there is a small public park.

In this park, a group of teenagers huddle around two guitarists who are strumming and singing an acoustic melody.  “Is it a popular song?” she thinks to herself.  She isn’t sure because she hasn’t had time lately to listen to music.  She wants to join the group.  She wants to tell the guitarists that their music is incredible.  But she hesitates.  She just can’t find the courage to walk over to them.

Instead, she sits on a park bench a few hundred feet away.  The bench overlooks the cityscape below.  She stares off into the distance and up into the night sky for several minutes – thinking and breathing.  And she begins to smile, because she can see the spiritual sanctuary.  It’s dark outside, but the sanctuary shines bright.  She can see it clearly.  She can feel it’s warmth surrounding her.  And although she knows the sanctuary has existed for an eternity, her heart tells her something that keeps a smile stretched across her cheeks: “This sanctuary is all yours tonight.”

Not in the sense that she owns it.  Nor in the sense that it isn’t also a sanctuary for millions of other people around the world.  But rather in the sense that it belongs to all of us as part of our heritage, exclusively tailored for every human being and our unique needs and beliefs.  It’s a quiet refuge that, when we choose to pay attention, exists all around us and within us.  We can escape to it at any time.  It’s a place where we can dwell with the good spirits and guardian angels who love us unconditionally and guide us even when we feel lost and alone.

Especially when we feel lost and alone.

Photo by: Meg Wills

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a daily basis.

Today is a new day – a new beginning.  You have been given this day to use as you please.  You can waste it or you can use it for something worthwhile.  Either way, what you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.

When tomorrow comes, today will be gone forever.  In its place will be something that you have left behind.  Please, let it be something worthwhile.  Let it be something that spreads love and happiness.

Here’s how:

1. Be kinder than necessary. – You will never fully understand some things until these things actually happen to you.  So be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of unique battle.  And remember, you will come across some people in life who always seem to create conflicts.  When you meet them, smile and walk away.  The battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it’s within them.
2. Put sincere effort into your relationships. – Don’t confuse the people who are always lingering around with the ones who are truly there.  Good relationships don’t just happen, and they aren’t built solely on a foundation of convenience.  They take time, patience, effort, and two people who want to be together and are willing to meet in the middle.  Read The 5 Love Languages.
3. Remind your loved ones that you love them every chance you get. – It doesn’t always matter where you go, what you do, or how much you have.  Sometimes all that matters is who you have beside you.  So be grateful for the wonderful people in your life, and let them know how much they mean to you on a regular basis.
4. Stretch yourself, and make yourself proud. – You can’t grow unless you do.  Yes, as you stretch you will feel some discomfort.  You will have to deal with the pain of the unknown as you work new emotional and intellectual muscle groups.  But don’t let that stop you.  Far too many people are fearful of the unknown, comfy with putting in the least amount of effort, and not willing to put up with short-term pain for long-term gain.  But not you – you know better.  Stretch yourself, be all you can be and seize your true potential.
5. Let your tears nourish your healing. – If tears could talk, this is what they’d say:  I am the raindrop that nourishes your healing.  Open your door to me in times of angst.  I will not stay forever.  Only long enough to clear the path of debris so hope and joy can reach you.  Only long enough to cleanse your eyes so your vision will be clear enough to recognize goodness when it comes.
6. Don’t wait for a reason to be grateful. – Just be grateful for everything you have now, and the reasons will quickly find you.  Being happy doesn’t always make us grateful, but being grateful will always make us happy.  And if you’re finding it hard to be grateful for something, sit down, close your eyes and take a long slow breath, and be grateful for oxygen.  Every breath you take is in sync with someone’s last.  Read The How of Happiness.
7. Express your appreciation daily. – Before going to bed tonight, take a moment to appreciate yourself for three things you accomplished today.  If you are in a relationship, take moment to openly discuss and appreciate three things you each accomplished today.  What we focus on expands.  What we appreciate, appreciates in value.
8. Say less when less means more. – You are as beautiful as the love you give, and you are as wise as the silence you leave behind.
9. Rediscover your inner child. – If you’ve forgotten the feel of joy, and don’t remember when you last felt wonder, let a child lead you back to the days when rocks breathed, and leaves sailed, and happiness was watching water dance through your hands.  Back to a time when you knew that every treasure worth having could be unearthed in your own back yard.
10. Be good to yourself. – Look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I love you, and from now on I’m going to act like it.”  It’s important to be nice to others, but it’s even more important to be nice to yourself.  When you act as your own best friend, you allow yourself to be happy.  When you are happy, you become a better friend, a better family member, and you inspire others to be happier too.  Read The Mastery of Love.
11. Stop waiting for the perfect moment. – Take each moment, appreciate it and make it perfect.  If you want to get really good at something or get somewhere new, let go of the notion of perfection and replace it with the notion of endless, playful exploration.  And don’t be afraid of change; oftentimes we will shed something good, and gain something even better.
12. Inject a little goodness into the world whenever you can. – When you become overwhelmed because it seems the whole world is exploding with hatred, violence, ignorance, and apathy, you have two choices:  You can either bury your head in the sand, or you can rest your cheek upon it, breathe until you feel whole again, then lift your head and ask, “How can I add some goodness?”

And remember, although every story has an end, in life every ending is just a new beginning.  Life goes on – not always the way we had envisioned it would be, but always the way it’s supposed to be.  We usually can’t choose the music life plays for us, but we can choose how we dance to it.

Photo by: Jamie Grant

“Creativity is just connecting things.  When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it; they just saw something and connected the dots.  It seemed obvious to them after a while.”
?Steve Jobs

Over the years, through our coaching practice and premium course, Angel and I have spoken with dozens of entrepreneurs, artists, and creative types about their unique rituals and routines.  The really nice thing is that we often learn just as much from our clients as they do from us.  They tell us about some of the most incredibly creative ideas and projects imaginable, and we teach them how to fine-tune the process of getting from where they are to where they want to be.  A good coach/client relationship is truly a win-win.

Today, I want to share seven of the most common rituals we’ve seen repeated by the most creative people we’ve worked with.

It’s often said that creativity can’t be contained.  That creative inspiration and ideas arise suddenly out of nowhere and then fail to show up when we need them most.  And while that may be true for a specific idea, when you look at the broader picture, you realize that sustained creativity – having lots of creative ideas over time – doesn’t come from a flash of brilliance or a single moment of inspiration.  It comes from a consistent set of rituals that serve as the bedrock for getting remarkable things done.

1.  Engage deeply in meaningful pursuits.

Marcus Aurelius once said, “Stop whatever you’re doing for a moment and ask yourself: Am I afraid of death because I won’t be able to do this anymore?”

One of our coaching clients brought this quote to my attention about a decade ago.  Today I have it pinned to the bulletin board in my office.  It stops me from squandering my most precious resource: my time.

Creativity as both a lifestyle and a profession is a daring adventure, and a truly rewarding one.  To thoroughly love what you do while also being fulfilled financially and emotionally is an aspiration and a challenge.  That aspiration can become a reality, but it takes lots of hard work, dedication, and some luck that eventually comes from persistently doing the right things.  Which is why you must remind yourself on a daily basis of what’s actually meaningful to you, and fully commit to the actions that yield progress in that area of your life.

2.  Set up triggers that get you into the rhythm for a routine of creating.

Maya Angelou only wrote in small hotel rooms.  Jack Kerouac made sure to touch the ground nine times before sitting down to write.  And many of the artistic clients we’ve worked with over the years have done everything from meditating, to singing, to running, to even doing two-hour long workouts immediately prior to working on their creative projects.  For example, take a look at our client Fay’s morning routine.  Here’s what she recently told us:

“I begin every day with one simple ritual: I wake up at 6 a.m., put on workout clothes, walk outside my downtown San Francisco home, hail a taxi, and tell the driver to take me to my gym.  I workout for an hour and forty-five minutes, and then I take a leisurely fifteen-minute jog back home.  The important part of the ritual is not the training I do at the gym; what’s important is getting in that cab every morning and getting the day started in the right direction.  The rest just falls into place.  I get home feeling good and ready to work.”

Think about your days.  How are they structured?  What triggers your creative (and productive) mind?  Are you consciously structuring your days with this trigger in mind?

Whether it’s waking up early, working in a specific location, or hitting the weights first thing in the morning, you need to find a trigger that gets you into rhythm – your rhythm.  When you design a healthy daily routine that starts automatically every morning, you save lots of mental energy for the creative thinking that comes naturally when you find yourself in your rhythm.  Through this personalized routine you will bring out your most intuitive work.

Of course, your routine will change occasionally due to evolving circumstances.  The idea is that you make the necessary adjustments and maintain a routine that works – one that maintains the necessary triggers and rituals to develop and nurture your creative mind, and to ultimately do the work necessary to get you from where you are to where you want to be.  (Read The War of Art.)

3.  Spend daily downtime daydreaming.

Creative types know that, despite what their grade school teachers likely told them, daydreaming is anything but a waste of their time.  While structured routines are important for the actual process of creating, our minds need downtime filled with the freedom to wander.

Neuroscientists have found that daydreaming involves the same brain processes associated with imagination and creative thinking.  According to psychologist Rebecca L. McMillan, who recently co-authored a research paper titled Ode To Positive Constructive Daydreaming, daydreaming can aid in the “creative incubation” of ideas and solutions to complex problems.

Perhaps that’s why we sometimes get our best ideas while taking a long, hot shower.

4.  Schedule in new experiences.

When they’re not daydreaming in their downtime, creative types love to expose themselves to new experiences, sensations and states of mind.  This willingness to stretch themselves is a significant predictor of their creative output.  Because creative growth always begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Of course, a big part of this happens inside a routine when you’re “in rhythm” and working hard to stretch your creative and intellectual muscles.  But new experiences help balance out your routines.  They force you to think differently.  So make an effort to try something new at least once a week.  It can be a whole new activity or just a small experience, such as talking to a stranger.  Once you get the ball rolling, many of these new experiences will open doors to life-changing perspectives you can’t even fathom right now.

And with a strategy of continuous small, scheduled steps into new experiences, you are able to sidestep the biggest barrier to thinking outside the box: Fear.

5.  Observe your mentors and study the work of other masters.

If you study the lives of enough successful creators, it becomes obvious that most world-class performers in all fields – musicians, entrepreneurs, artists, dancers, etc. – had incredible mentors, coaches or role models who made the activity of practice worthwhile and rewarding.

If you can speak with a mentor face to face, that’s incredible – do so!  But keep in mind that just observing a mentor works wonders too.  When we observe someone we want to learn from, and we have a crystal clear idea of what we want to create for ourselves, it unlocks a tremendous amount of motivation.  Human beings are socially inclined, and when we get the idea that we want to join some elite circle up above us, that is what really motivates us to achieve greatness.  “Look, they did it.  I can do it too!”  It may sound overly simplistic, but spending time studying people who are great can be one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself.

In his book Mastery, Robert Greene emphasizes the importance of studying the work of others using Mozart as an example.  This is an essential building block for mastering your craft and cultivating your creativity at the same time:

“Throughout his career, Mozart never asserted any particular opinions about music.  Instead, he absorbed the styles he heard around himself and incorporated them into his own voice.  Late in his career, he encountered for the first time the music of Johann Sebastian Bach – a kind of music very different from his own, and in some ways more complex.  Most artists would grow defensive and dismissive of something that challenged their own principles.  Instead, Mozart opened his mind up to new possibilities, studying Bach’s use of counterpoint for nearly a year and absorbing it into his own vocabulary.  This gave his music a new and surprising creative quality.”

The bottom line is that studying mentors and other masters can help you diversify your own creative output.  Doing so facilitates the process of cross-pollinating ideas and strategies, introducing you to new approaches and ways of thinking.  Not everything others do will be relevant to you, of course, but it will help refine and develop your style and tailor it to your own unique creative goals.

6.  Lean heavily on your intuition.

Intuition is very real and something that is never wise to ignore, because it comes from deep within your subconscious and is derived from a combination of your previous life experiences and core perceptions about the present.  If everyone else is telling you “yes” but your gut is telling you otherwise, it’s usually for a good reason.  When faced with difficult decisions, seek out all the information you can find, become as knowledgeable as you possibly can, and then listen to your God-given instincts.

Creative people know that trusting your intuition is equivalent to trusting your true self; and the more you trust your true self, the more control you have of making your biggest goals and wildest dreams come true, just the way you envision.

7.  Gradually turn life’s obstacles around.

Many of the most iconic novels, songs, and inventions of all time were inspired by gut-wrenching pain and heartbreak.  Therefore, the silver lining of these great challenges is that they were the catalyst to the creation of epic masterpieces.

An emerging field of psychology called Post-Traumatic Growth has suggested that most people are able to use their hardships and traumas for substantial creative and intellectual development.  Specifically, researchers have found that trauma can help people grow their long-term contentment, emotional strength, and resourcefulness.

When our view of the world as a safe place, or as a certain type of place, has been shattered, we are forced to reboot our perspective on things.  We suddenly have the opportunity to look out to the periphery and see things with a new, fresh set of beginner’s eyes, which is extremely beneficial to creativity and personal growth.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Adversity” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

Afterthoughts

Walt Disney once said, “Around here, we don’t look backwards for very long.  We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious – and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

This is one of my favorite quotes.  It inspires me to write and create.  And to move on to my next piece of work, even when I catch myself judging my last piece of work as “not good enough.”

For nearly a decade, I have been publishing new articles every week on www.marcandangel.com.  Sometimes the ideas and words come easier than others, and there have been plenty of times when I’ve felt like my work was sub-par.

“I thought this was a great article.  Why aren’t people reading and sharing it?” Or I’ll feel like I fumbled through an article only to watch it receive 25,000+ shares on Facebook.  Regardless of which outcome I’m dealing with, I’ve realized one thing: As human beings, we are often terrible judges of our own work.  We are just too self-critical to see the truth most of the time.

And not only that, it’s not our job to judge our own work.  It’s not our job to compare it to everyone else’s work, or to how we thought others would perceive it.  There’s no use in doing that.

Instead, it’s our job to create.  Our job is to share what we have right now in this moment.  Our job is to come as we are and give it our best shot.

There are people in nearly every career field who make each day a work of art simply by the way they have mastered their craft.  In other words, almost everyone is an artist in some way.  And every artist will have the tendency to judge their own work.  The important thing is to not let your self-judgment keep you from doing your thing and sharing your creative gift with the world.

Just like Walt said, the key is to “keep moving forward.”

The floor is yours…

What else would you add to the list?  What rituals, routines and lifestyle choices help you think more creatively and work more resourcefully?

Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Anthony Sigalas

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
?Abraham Lincoln

It usually isn’t what you have, where you are, or what you’ve been through that makes you happy or unhappy, it’s how you think about it all.  It starts on the inside.  You control your thoughts.  The only person who can hurt your happiness in the long run is YOU.

Here are 50 thought-provoking quotes about happiness gathered from our book and blog archive that will help you think on the bright side.

1. It only takes one person to make you happy and change your life:  YOU.
2. Your life will improve only when you take small chances, and the first and most difficult chance you can take is to be honest with yourself.
3. Stop focusing on how stressed you are and remember how blessed you are.  It could be so much worse.
4. It is not what happens to you, but how you respond to what happens to you.  Count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.
5. Look for something positive about this moment.  Even if you have to look a little harder than usual, it still exists.
6. When you smile about the life you live, you end up living a life worth smiling about.
7. Remember, social comparison is the thief of happiness.  You could spend a lifetime worrying about what others have, but it wouldn’t get you anything.
8. Happiness comes more easily when you feel good about yourself without feeling the need for anyone else’s approval.
9. Be nice to people on your way up because you might meet them again on your way back down.
10. Set an example. Treat everyone with kindness and respect, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.  (Read The Four Agreements.)
11. Kindness is not to be mistaken for weakness, nor forgiveness for acceptance.  It’s about knowing resentment of any kind is not on the path to happiness.
12. Give as much as you can, but don’t allow yourself to be used.  Listen to others closely, but don’t lose your own voice.
13. Say what you need to say.  Speak your truth.  There is no greater sadness than holding on to the words you never had the courage to speak.
14. You can’t change how people treat you or what they say about you.  All you can do is change how you react and who you choose to be around.
15. Negative company will never give you a positive life.  Examine what you tolerate in the long-term.
16. What you allow is what will continue.  It’s always better to spend more time alone than allow negative people and their opinions to derail you from your destiny.
17. When other people treat you poorly, walk away, smile and keep being YOU.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.
18. Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.  It’s their loss, not yours.
19. One of the most freeing things we learn in life is that we don’t have to like everyone, everyone doesn’t have to like us, and that’s OK.
20. When someone says, “You’ve changed,” it’s not always a bad thing.  Sometimes it just means you stopped living your life their way.
21. Never be ashamed of how you feel.  You have the right to feel any emotion that comes to you, and to follow a path that makes you happy.
22. The unhappiest people in this world are the people who care the most about what everyone else thinks.
23. You can’t base your idea of success and happiness on other people’s opinions and expectations.  (Read 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
24. Happiness and success is all about spending your life in your own way.  Be yourself.  No one can ever tell you you’re doing it wrong.
25. It’s always better to be at the bottom of the ladder you want to climb than the top of the one you don’t.
26. Work to create a life that feels right to YOU, not one that looks right to everyone else.
27. No amount of money will make you happy if you aren’t happy with yourself.
28. Maybe the thing you’re scared of is exactly what you should do.  Sometimes life is about risking it all for a dream no one can see but you.
29. You can’t always wait for the perfect moment.  Sometimes you must dare to do it because life is too short to regret and wonder what could have been.
30. The most reliable way to predict the future is to create it.  Participate in life instead of just watching it pass you by.
31. Nothing’s more fun than doing what people say you can’t do.
32. Almost anything is possible if you’ve got enough time and enough nerve.
33. Great challenges make life interesting; overcoming them makes life meaningful.  It’s how you deal with failure that determines your happiness and success.
34. Let your mistakes be your motivation, not your excuses.  Decide right now that negative experiences from your past won’t predict your future.
35. What is coming is better than what is gone.  Don’t give up hope.  Good things often happen when you least expect it.
36. If you take another step, and another, you will be surprised to know how far you can go from the point you thought was the end.
37. Nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a smile that has struggled through the tears.
38. Any fool can be happy when times are good.  It takes a strong soul with real heart to develop smiles out of situations that make us weep.
39. No matter how long it takes, it will get better.  Tough situations build strong people in the end.
40. As we grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we need and what we need to leave behind.  Sometimes walking away is a step forward.
41. At the end of the day, you can either focus on what’s tearing you apart, or what’s holding you together.
42. One of the most rewarding moments in life is when you finally find the courage to let go of what you can’t change.
43. Whatever you do, don’t get stuck on the one thing that ruins your day.  Smile and be grateful.  Life is too short to waste on negativity.
44. The less you expect, the more pleasant life gets.
45. Patience can be bitter, but the seeds you plant now will bear sweet fruit.  (Read Flourish.)
46. Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Breathe deeply.  Do your best.  Leave everything else to the powers above you.
47. Do not dwell so much on creating your perfect life that you forget to live.
48. The trick is to enjoy your life today.  Don’t wish it away by waiting for better days ahead.
49. Pay attention to the little things, because when you really miss “the good old days,” you miss the little things the most, like just laughing with someone special.
50. Go for long walks.  Indulge in great conversations.  Pay attention to the moment.  Count your blessings.  Let go for a little while and just be and breathe.

Your turn…

What’s one quote or personal reminder that has helped you think happier thoughts and live more positively?  Please share it with us by leaving a reply below.

Photo by: Rick Harrison

The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack in will.
–Vince Lombardi

Feeling down about your forward progress lately?  Do you feel like you’re running in place?  Need some motivation and tough love to help you reinvigorate your success rate?  Well, here you go – seven reasons you’re not the great success story you could be:

1.  You do a lot of thinking without acting.

Too often we think without acting.  We do nothing with our ideas.  Everyone who has ever taken a long, hot shower has had many great ideas.  I’m sure you can relate.  But you will only make a difference in this world if you get out of the shower, dry off and do something with them.

The only way to conquer your dreams and doubts is with action.  Wondering about them will not get anything done.  Avoiding challenges will only make them grow bigger.  If you wait until all conditions are perfect, you will spend the rest of your life waiting.

Great achievements are made by starting from exactly where you are right now with exactly what you have right now.  Stop wondering and start doing.  Once you’ve made a little progress you’ll always know, without a doubt, that you can make even more progress if you try.  Read 1,000 Little Things.

2.  Your creative mind is completely unfocused.

Constraints nurture productive side of the creative mind.  At first it might seem as though complete freedom makes all creative ventures more attainable, but this isn’t the truth.  Complete freedom makes the possibilities endless, but keeps your efforts scattered and unfocused.

Often, self-imposed constraints, or boundaries, force you to think differently about challenges, leading to more practical ideas and innovations.  Instead of thinking ‘outside the box’ and looking in every possible direction, get inside one box – a specific problem that needs a resolution, a smaller space where big changes can be made, etc. – and focus your creative attention on making a difference.

These boundaries create the foundation from which to launch a productive, creative effort.  It’s like pushing off from the ground when riding a skateboard, or from the wall of the pool when you’re swimming laps – having something solid to push against allows you to move forward with greater ease and more power.  And over time, as you test these boundaries by pushing against them, you figure out which ones can be broken and expanded, and which ones need to remain fixed in place.

3.  You are focusing too much on fears and defeats.

Your problems are really your blessings if you use them to grow stronger.  Never quit just because you feel temporarily defeated.  You have not been beaten – this is not a competition.  Keep working to be the best you can be.  It doesn’t matter how slow you go so long as you don’t give up on yourself.

In the long run, it usually isn’t what you have or where you are or what you’ve been through that makes or breaks you; it’s how you think about it all and what you do next.  Focus your conscious mind on things you desire, not your fears and defeats.  Doing so brings dreams to life.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.

4.  Your expectations are crushing you.

Drop the needless expectations.  Appreciate what is.  It doesn’t matter if your glass is half empty or half full.  Just be thankful that you have a glass and that there’s something in it.  Choosing to be positive and having an appreciative attitude influences everything you do.  The magnitude of your happiness and success will be directly proportional to the magnitude of your thoughts and how you choose to think about things.

Nothing ever works out exactly the way you want it to.  Hope for the best, but expect less.  Appreciate reality, don’t fight it.  Don’t let what you expected to happen blind you from the goodness happening all around.  Even if it doesn’t work out at all, it’s still worth it if it made you feel something new, and if it taught you something new.

5.  You have become distracted from your core goals.

People might tell you it’s impossible, but it’s not.  Though the challenges may be great, you can make things happen.  The odds may not seem to be in your favor right now, but you can change the odds.  When something difficult you want to achieve connects deeply with your purpose, it becomes possible.  When you are driven and committed and persistent, you will get yourself there step by step.

So look within yourself and unearth the values and goals that you most earnestly feel a deep connection with.  In the end, it’s the things that are genuinely important to you that will power your greatest achievements.  Read The 52-Week Life Passion Project.

6.  You are playing it too safe.

Pain is a pesky part of being human but it’s vitally important.  It strengthens the mind, heart and body.  You can’t grow strong, brave, or successful in this world if you’ve only had good things happen to you within the safe boundaries of your own little comfort bubble.  You need real life experiences, and nothing ever becomes real until you experience it firsthand.

No matter how long you train yourself to be strong, brave, or proficient at something, you never know if you are or not until something real happens to you.  So get real, experience life and let it teach you what you need to know to conquer your wildest dreams.

7.  You have been resisting forgiveness.

Alexander Pope once said, “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  Your willingness to forgive yourself and others is the greatest sign of your emotional and spiritual maturity.  It’s a process of acceptance and understanding that allows you to let go of a situation that’s over so you can move on with your life.

The key is to be thankful for every experience – positive or negative.  It’s taking a step back and saying, “Thank you for the lesson.”

Take a moment and imagine if every person (including yourself) who owed you an apology apologized today, and imagine if you accepted these apologies.  What a weight lifted.  Now imagine if everyone, everywhere did this.  How many problems in the world would evaporate?

Photo by: Hartwig HKD